New Year’s Resolution: Finding Lasting Love
New Year’s Eve is looming ahead. And, you are probably frustrated that another Holiday Season has come and gone without your having found your Lasting Love, the One.
If you’re like most of us, last year’s resolutions have been long forgotten, leaving a feeling of guilt in their wake. But, ever hopeful, on this next January 1st , you have yet another chance to change your lives for the better. Armed with my tips for success, this year can be different. Most New Year’s resolutions have an 81 percent failure rate over a two-year period, according to a study by Psychology Professor John Norcross.
Unfortunately, most people set up unrealistic expectations for themselves by choosing goals that are not in alignment with their internal belief systems. (Limiting beliefs!)
Do you really feel that you deserve a lasting love? Or, that it is even possible for you to find your One? If you don’t believe that you deserve to be loved or that it is even possible for you to find your own true love, you’ve set yourself up for failure from the onset. This is the first place to start on your road to success.
Here are some tips to achieve this New Year’s Resolution of finding your lasting love and not having to spend the next Holiday season alone.
- Decide that this is a yearlong process and dedicate a month or two for every one the steps of my 5-step process. (See below.) When you look at your goal as a process that requires small efforts every day, you will be more likely to succeed because you will not become overwhelmed.
- Choose a close friend with whom you can share your journey towards finding true love – your successes and failures. This friend should be an optimist and help you stand for yourself and your goals.
- As you achieve each step, pat yourself in the back with a small celebration. This positive reinforcement will keep you motivated.
- Realize that what you have been doing so far has not yielded success. You have probably been attracting the same old Mr. or Ms. Wrong for You.
This means that you have to be willing to examine your past relationship patterns and belief systems. YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO MAKE CHANGES – unless, of course, you want to keep getting the same results.
Making changes in ourselves and examining our past is hard. But, staying stuck in the same old love story is harder.
- Focus on the changes in behaviors and thoughts that you need to do to achieve your goal. Don’t focus on the goal. Praise yourself every time you practice a new behavior or look at things from a different perspective. Stay in the present. Focus and what you can do in the moment.
- Examine your limiting beliefs that interfere with your finding lasting love. What you believe becomes your reality. So, these limiting beliefs about you have to be addressed.
Identify and clear them! I have a chapter on how to do this in my book, “It’s a Match! The Guide to Finding Lasting Love.” (Amazon.com) Plus, you will also find guidance on navigating each step of my 5-step process for finding your Mr. or Ms. Right instead of just another One.
So how do you start your quest? I have developed a foolproof 5-step method for finding YOUR lasting love.
Step I: Embark on an accurate self-assessment where you take an inventory of your best qualities, characteristics, and beliefs about yourself and relationships. This includes making a list of the areas where you can improve. Examine your relationship history.
Step II: After undergoing this process of self-assessment, you are ready to look at the things that you can realistically change and to decide which of these you are willing to change. For example, you might identify that you want to lose 20 pounds and stop smoking. Or, you might chose to take some classes in order to attract a more educated partner.
Step III: Now, you are ready to focus on the search process. This begins with creating an inventory of qualities that are important to you in a mate versus a date. After all, if you don’t know what you’re looking for, how do you know when you’ve found it? Once you have your roadmap, you might consider searching for the One online in order to expand your choices of available mates.
Step IV: After you have several potential candidates, you can begin the culling process. At this point, you are actually dating several people at the same time. I call it the interviewing process.
As you get to know your dates, you get to see them under different circumstances, you get to meet their friends, and you get to see who they really are. This process should take about two months with each person.
The point of this process is to take things slowly and get to know them first, as a friend. You’re not in a rush.
Step V: Next, you decide to date one exclusively. Now, it’s time to evolve your relationship while, continuously evaluating it. Work on new relationship skills to avoid old pitfalls.
Let this year be a new start for you. Your Lasting Love is out there right now looking for you. Be ready to receive them.
Happy New Year to you all and best wishes for finding your lasting love.
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